*Shipwreck, rescued by strange people, taken to an island*

P: Oh no, no one wants me with them! What shall I do? *goes into passive mode*

Moreau: You must stay in this room, because I’m Bluebeard.

P: Oh okay, cuz that’s not ominous at all! La la la… oh wait, what’s that sound?

Moreau: *tortures puma*

P: OMG you’re hurting the animal that’s terrible!

Moreau: But it’s for SCIENCE.

P: Oh, well then that’s okay.

*Next day*

P: I’m bored and annoyed. *runs into dangerous forest* Eep there’s strange animals here! Who would expect that? *runs away, runs back to lab, accidentally breaks in on Moreau’s experiment*

P: Aaaaaaaaaaa! It’s human! *runs away again, meets the animal creatures*

Animal creatures: Hi. You’re weird and we don’t trust you. Come join in our secret cult chanting anyway.

Cult: Reach towards your allegorical human side/higher natures, don’t give into your allegorical beastly side/fleshly desires, and fear the allegorical House of Pain/Hell above all.

P: Whoa they think Moreau’s God! How terrible!

Montgomery and Moreau: *pursues P ominously* Nothin’s gonna harm you, not while I’m around!

P: Yeah right. Give me your pistols.

Montgomery: *hands them over* Don’t be so dramatic. We’re just forcibly mutating animals until we mold them into unearthly haunted vestiges of their former selves – with human thrown in cuz humans look cool.

P: Well, I guess that’s alright.

*after a few days*

P: *finds a rabbit corpse* Who could have killed that?

Moreau and Montgomery: Time to go condemn the culprit. *heads out into the jungle*

P: *alone in the house* Why is nothing happening? Oh yeah, the story’s seen through my point of view. I better go follow them.

*finds them and Moreau and Montgomery*

Moreau *to Leopard Man*: You’ve broken the law! Doom is upon you!

Other animals to Leopard Man: Ha ha, you’re doomed, we’re not.

Terrified Leopard Man: Rawr!

P: Well, I hate to see this poor creature subject to the law that I’m supporting by my compliance with Moreau – so instead of rebelling or anything, I’ll just kill it.

*kills Leopard Man*

P: Whew, cognitive dissonance is uncomfortable.

Puma: *escapes from lab*

Moreau: I cannot faiiiiillll! *gets killed*

Montgomery: Er, what do I do now? I don’t have an identity anymore. *drinks, gets killed*

P: *alone with the beast-people* Uh oh. In fear for my safety, I’ll take up Moreau’s position of authority, even though I hated it before.

P: Um, bow down before me. I am scary! Rawr!

Animal-creatures: Um, you’re really not.

P: *hides in hut with dog, finally escapes on raft*

*back in England*

P: Hmm, I seem to have Gulliver-itis. Everybody seems bestial to me, and the island was just a microcosm of the depraved nature of the rest of the world! Oh, but that’s crazy. I think I’ll study astronomy, cuz space is pure and has no danger!

H.G. Wells: *writes War of the Worlds*

P: Oh, grr.